Salvation Is My Name

I was in a university dining hall with a few friends and I said I felt like someone wanted to make me into a lamp because he was a creeper and acted like he hated me, and it turns out he was a few tables away and heard me.

I didn’t even feel bad because he was a giant prick.

Oh my god

I’m dying

Holy fuck

Okay so I made “My hot TA doesn’t have a facebook. Son of a bitch.” my facebook status in early February. I took it down a few days later because I decided I didn’t like the status and I didn’t want it up on my profile. 

Turns out she did/does have one, and much later on agreed to friend me once the school year was over. Well she did and I accepted. 

I was scrolling through her page and I saw that she posted this a few days after my status

“My hot TA doesn’t have a facebook. Son of a bitch.”
 Actually I do… and I enjoy creeping on you from it :P

Oh my god I’m absolutely dying. It’s so embarrassing and awkward that it’s funny. 

Sweet jesus.

I think I need to revisit my privacy settings asap. 

Also this was amazing because I’m having a super garbage day and those lulz helped a good deal.

I figured I’d post another story since I’m feeling nostalgic and I haven’t told one in a while. 

It’s kind of in two parts. The first one is a funny event and the second is a cute story.

Me and Dom were at one of his friend’s apartments watching movies and cooking food. We were watching Dear John and I couldn’t care less so I fell asleep. I woke up really groggy and disoriented. I found out the movie was still going on so I started texting people. I was talking to a friend about Dom and I sent her a text telling herI was thinking of asking him out. Turns out I accidentally sent it to him instead. I freaked the fuck out in silence for about a minute until his phone vibrated. I then had to awkwardly ask him if I could have it because I sent a text to him on accident and I needed to delete it. It was really weird and bad. I eventually told him what it was about and he thought it was funny.

After the movie it was still light out so we went for a walk. His friend lived right next to the lake so we went over to the beach and chilled there. He randomly decided that we should make a sandcastle. So we did. It was really really cute. We didn’t have any tools at all so we had to make do with whatever we could find on the beach. I’ve never really made one before so it was an experience. We made a little moat, we had towers that we decorated with a bag of skittles we had on us, we had a lot of stuff collapse since we had no tools or anything. I loved it. It was one of those fun little things we did together that’s really easy to forget but an amazing memory. 

This is us (I’m on the left)

People said they wanted a happy/cute story so here I go!

I hope I haven’t told this one before.

Okay so I need a paragraph to set this whole thing up. Me and this guy had probably one of the best first date type things (not official but it was a date) I’ve ever had. We had dinner and then saw Avatar together (the one with the blue people) and both fucking loved it. We were blown away. We were both worried about sounding like major nerds at the end so we were like

“That was good”

“Yeah, it was”

“Like really good”

“Really really good”

and so on until we were able to fully geek out about it. Then we went and bought matching Avatar shirts at Hot Topic (where he worked). After that we went back to his place and hung out. It was awesome. He was my type down to the fucking letter. He had long hair, was kinda scene, was a sophomore in college (I was a junior in high school) and he was fucking pre med. He had snakebites, was a black belt, he liked my kind of music, he loves video games, sci fi, it was awesome.

Anyway so the story is we were grabbing dinner at Chipotle and we were nearing the cash register. I was in front of him and I pulled out my wallet to pay. I told the cashier I was paying for both of us and he told me that he wanted to. I told him this one was on me and he said it wasn’t. I’d just found out he was a black belt so I said something along the lines of “What are you gonna do about it, kick my ass?”. He then proceeded to grab my arm and bring it around behind my back while simultaneously sweeping one leg out from under me causing me to lose balance. He then pinned my forcefully but not painfully down against the counter while still holding my arm behind my back. He then casually withdrew his wallet with his other hand and paid for both our meals. It was one of the cutest things to happen to me. 

Someone wanted a relationship story so here ya go, this is the story of one of the best days of my life.

^This is me and Dom, he was who I was with in this story^

Ok so we’d went on one date before and it was awesome. Quick summary: We established that both of our favorite foods were bananas so he took me to this restaurant saying the meal would be banana related but didn’t tell me anything more. It was a surprise. We got there and we ate fried plantains stuffed with beef. So delicious. Then we went back to his apartment and watched a movie. I was stressing out during it and thinking he didn’t like me but during the movie he grabbed my hand. it was cute c:

So for the next date we decided that I should stay the weekend at his place. So I got there and we immediately went out. We were gonna buy me a lot of new clothes. I was transitioning away from dressing like a scene kid and he was helping me since he was a fashion major. We shopped for hours and it was awesome. He was so cute and so sweet. After that we headed back to his apartment to rest before the party we were going to. 

We were going to take a nap however his roommate was in so we couldn’t sleep next to each other since he wasn’t out to him which made me sad. I’d never fallen asleep next to/with a guy which is something I’d always wanted to do, more than anything. He decided we should sleep with my feet at his head and his at mine. Disappointing but I rolled with it. After a little while of laying in bed I felt something under the covers. His hand was groping around, as if it was looking for something. Finally he found my arm and moved down it to my hand. He grabbed it and interlaced our fingers then promptly fell asleep. I just stayed awake smiling for so long. I was tired but I just didn’t want to sleep. It was so adorable. 

We woke up a few hours later and started to get ready to head out. HIs friends met us at the bus stop. The bus ride was incredibly awkward. Dom brought his roommate who is socially inept to say the very least. He’d say things to which Dom’s friends would literally respond “why would you even say that” all the time. It was pretty bad.

Finally we got there and things got good. Dom warned me that someone I know might be there. When I was a junior I had a brief thing with a sophomore in college. He was pre med, really attractive and 100% my type. We were gonna spend new years eve together and it was going to be really romantic however the day before he told me he didn’t like me like that and called it off. I was crushed. Dom said he’d be at the party, and we hadn’t spoken or seen each other in six months. We lived 20 minutes away but might as well have lived in different worlds. I walked in and looked around, spotting him almost immediately. I gloated to myself upon seeing him as he didn’t look good at all. Basketball shorts, a v neck and long, unstraightened hair all came together horribly. He saw me almost as soon as I saw him. His jaw dropped and he stood up and paced the room in shock. It was amazing. A work of art. He got up to come talk to me but Dom was leading me somewhere else so as he tried to start a conversation I just walked by and said “Oh hey” smugly and then left. Fucking glorious. It was wonderful. After he’d ditched me I had super self esteem issues. I was pre-occupied with why I wasn’t good enough for him for so long. It was such a blow to my pride and that night I was able to repair it some. it was great.

Anyway blah blah blah, party was fine, Dom’s friends liked me. It was getting late so we decided to head home. I was exhausted as hell so this sounded great. We got back and to my immense surprise Dom said we’d be staying in his friends room since she was away. He brought me down there then got some stuff from his room, including a pair of pajamas for me since I’d forgot mine. It was a little thing but so cute. I got in bed and then he climbed in after me and rested his head on my chest and wrapped an arm around me. That was one of the happiest moments of my life. The close and intimate feeling I got with my arms around him and his around mine. I was just plain happy. We lay there for a while, watching tv and just resting. After half an hour or so he turned to face me and kissed me. We made out for a while and then things got a little more heated (all I’m saying). After that we fell asleep in each others arms. The whole day was everything I’d wanted from a date. it was as close to perfect as I’ve gotten. He was super sweet, totally adorable, and seemed genuinely interested in me. It was amazing. 

After that I spent nearly all my time with him. We’d rent movies and watch them together on rainy days. We’d have picnics together. We’d just lay in the grass talking and enjoying each others company. We went to parties, went shopping, I helped him with projects for school, we’d go shopping, we’d just wander the city and find fun/interesting things to do. We even spent the 4th of July together. It felt like a movie. Totally surreal. It was what I always wanted. He was calm, smart, and confident. He always had something fun to do. I was totally infatuated with him and did whatever he told me. He even designed my tattoos and went with me to get them. It was the best summer of my life and the day in the story was probably the best day of my life.

Us again

It’s a long story but I needed to tell someone and since I don’t know people here super well I’ll tell my blog.

Ok so as you may or may not now I wanted to go to a gay club here in Madison. I was gonna go yesterday (Thursday) but people kept canceling. I was all ready so I said fuck it and went with my awesome friend Emily as opposed to a big group. We got there super early since someone else had told me it gets super crowded around 9:30. Turns out it gets crowded around like 10:30. Me and Emily just chilled for a while and talked to a few people, nothing super eventful. The place itself was awesome as fuck! Super cute. Moulin rouge was playing all over on TV’s and super gay pop music was playing of course. There was even a I was planning on gogo dancer wearing only underwear who was ripped as fuck. I was planning on drinking heavily but rather than stamp your hand or draw X’s on it they gave you wristbands so I was doomed to sobriety. My other friends showed up which was awesome. We all started dancing which I’d never done. I felt super awkward but as I studied other people (sounds SO LAME) I got the hang of it and was decent. While walking the floor in search of people to buy for us me and Emily ran into people we’d met briefly at a party last weekend. There were three girls and a guy. I forgot all the girls names but Lexi and I only remembered that because I just added her band on facebook. The guy’s name was Jared and he was super cute. Very tall, short hair but done up very well and he was dressed really cute.

We abandoned our futile search for alcohol and decided to dance. Lexi and her girlfriend split off so it was just me, Emily, other chick (Lauren maybe) and Jared. We were all dancing when someone inquired into sexual orientations. Me and Jared were gay, Emily was bi and Lauren was straight but wanted to try girls so her and emily started dancing in between me and Jared. I was absent-mindedly thinking it was cute until Jared brought me back to reality real fast by grabbing my hand and pulling me toward him. I’d never danced before tonight, let alone dancing with a guy, especially one was cute as him.

I was crazy nervous but eventually got the hang of it enough to not make an ass out of myself. It was fun, really fun. We were dancing super close, basically grinding, for a long time and it was awesome. Every once and a while a song would come on that I knew which always made me super happy and excited. One time Blow by Ke$ha came on and I was so excited although I kept getting the nagging feeling I sucked at dancing and he was getting bored/annoyed. But no! During the second chorus or so he looked down at my and we started making out. Fucking wonderful. From then on we’d do that every 2 or 3 songs. 

We kept dancing and dancing for what seemed like ever. My legs were on fire but I didn’t care. Every once and a while I’d look up at him and he’d look at me and we’d both smile. It was adorable. Also every time I thought he wasn’t interested he’d do something cute to let me know he was, such as when we lost our friends he said he wanted to find them and I said ok, figuring he’d come back but he grabbed me by the hang and brought me with him, even holding my hand when we’d found them and were talking off the dance floor. We had some causal conversation too, but it was enough to make me think he was interested. He remembered where I was from, asked me some things about college and my hometown and I did the same.

As the night was wrapping up him and his friend left me and Emily out of the blue and said they’d be back, so we waited for about 4 or 5 songs, dancing with each other and some other random but fun people. Finally the lights came on at 2am and they hadn’t come back. I looked around for the millionth time since he’d left, thinking stupidly that he was planning on coming back. As me and Emily were leaving the dance floor I finally saw him again. I was about to start walking over to him when I saw he was with another guy, exchanging numbers. I don’t know what I was expecting out of him but it certainly wasn’t that. He found us at the coat check and said something like “Oh this was fun, I gotta go now, text me!” to me and Emily although neither of us had his number.

It sucked. He was cute, relaxed, smart, hot, a good dancer and a bunch of other awesome things that I’m probably forgetting now. The whole ride/walk home I was so bummed out. I kept going through it in my mind. What did I fuck up? Why wasn’t I good enough?  Was I ugly? Was I a bad dancer? A bad kisser? I didn’t get it. He could have done anything other than that. He could have given me some indication he didn’t wanna talk to me at all, he could have just left and said something like “Well this was fun, I’ll see you around”. I’d have been a bit sad but for him to say he’d be right back while he was dancing with another guy and giving him his number in the last 10 minutes of the club being open when he’d been dancing with me since he got there was such a slap in the face. I’m not one to get overly upset about things but something about this just got to me. I’ll get over it pretty soon hopefully but as of now I’m really hurt/angry. If he hadn’t stood me up it would have been the perfect night but as it stands it was easily my worst night in Madison. But I’m definitely going back to Plan B. One bad time isn’t going to keep me from having fun. I just wish the whole night didn’t suck so much. I’m typing this now in a shit mood after getting horrible sleep, waking up and not feeling any fucking better about it. Again I wasn’t expecting a lifelong relationship to emerge from my visit to the club but to get stood up sucks. Hard.

This post is going to be blunt but it’s a lesson I learned that I think everyone should at least have in the back of their mind and maybe learn from my mistakes.

I am sexually active and have had a fair number of partners. Nothing ridiculous but enough. I usually get a bi-yearly STD test (all negative) but about a year ago I put it off. I was going to but I kept having things pop up. Finally I started getting worried about the results. Not due to any symptoms showing up but just because I’d been some time and I had engaged in some high risk sexual activity. In addition to that and what worried me the most was that I was the victim of a non-consensual sexual encounter (date rape, but calling it that feels weird, I don’t know why) involving a large quantity of alcohol. I was told they’d used protection but since I blacked out for most of the night I wasn’t sure. That terrified me more than anything so I put it off. I would be scared, delay, then forget about it. This went on for about a year. Finally on my second day of college I got an anonymous text saying something about something about having sex with someone who’d really gotten around over spring break and that they hoped I was safe.

I initially dismissed it as some sort of spam since it was sent from a website and spring break was forever ago. But then I recognized the name of the town and immediately knew who they were talking about and that they were 100% serious. I freaked out. I felt sick and clammy and wanted to vomit. I was terrified. I spent 10 minutes pacing my room until finally I knew I had to get tested. I couldn’t put it off anymore. I made an appointment at my college’s health services department and was able to get in later that day. I’ve been freaking out ever since but today finally got my results back. All of them were negative.

I was so relived I almost cried. I was a gigantic idiot this year. I exercised obscenely poor judgement and I will never repeat that mistake again. So if you’re reading this regardless of your sexual orientation please use protection and get tested on some sort of regular basis. Never put getting tested off and always use protection. It can be scary to think about and easy to put off but facing reality is always better than avoiding it. I don’t know why I’m posting this, I just want someone to take something away from it and not spent a lot of time super miserable and scared like me and not to make the same dumbass mistakes I did. If you have any reactions or anything send em to my ask

www.salvationismyname.tumblr.com/ask

It was supposed to be the story of my first kiss but I figured I’d go with a story that’s cuter (I was planning on telling it anyway so in reality I’m segwaying the story into this because I’m lazy but WHATEVER)

Ok so I’d met the guy involved a long time ago in passing. We added each other on facebook and had been talking on there for a while. We’d always wanted to hang out but never set anything into motion UNTIL we found out he was moving to Kentucky. We hurriedly picked a day and I drove up to the city to hang out with him. It was the dead middle of winter so it was super cold. I got to the starbucks by his house where we were gonna meet and went in. I was super nervous because he was adorable and at the time I thought I was meh at best, but he smiled and we got drinks and chatted. He was even more attractive than I remember him being. I was so nervous. After we finished them we ventured out into the cold to go back to his house. 

It was horrible out. The wind was blowing frigid air into our faces and the ground was frozen over. Even we were talking through allies we’d have to jump from ice patch to ice patch to avoid puddles of slushy water. We eventually grabbed each others hand in order to provide stability. It was still fun though, we talked and joked. We’d help each other over big patches of ice and run together when we were tired of moving at such a slow pace. The walk seemed to go on for ages and we were both freezing. We finally got to his house and he informed me he wanted to go in ahead to make sure nobody was home. We first stopped off in his garage where I would wait while he made sure the coast was clear.

Getting to his place was frantic due to the fast pace we were moving at, the unstable terrain we had to cross and the cold windy air but once we got inside his garage everything was still and quiet. We both took a little break in order to catch our breath and enjoy not being plummeted by what felt like the icy fist of God. It was still cold so we huddled against each other while we waited. I kept stealing glances at him, blown away by how attractive he was. It felt good to be close to him, not in a sexual way at all, it was just relaxing and comforting. His nose and cheeks were red from the cold and it was really cute. We pulled apart a bit as he still had to go inside and make sure the cost was clear. Before he left we exchanged a glance and we both smiled awkwardly. Then we moved back in and kissed. We broke off and he smiled at me and left. I don’t do this justice at all. Looking back on that day still makes me really happy. It was awesome and he was a great guy.

This is us at the end of the day (I’m on the left)

Facebook has a nifty feature that tells you your statuses from a year who. I like it a lot, it’s interesting to see what I was up to exactly 365 days ago. Near the beginning of it I thought to myself man it’d suck if it reminded you of something shitty. Then that thought left my mind until today when facebook pretty much said “On this day in 2010 you had the worst day of your life” to me. I remember my psych teacher telling us that your mind has a built in defense mechanism to help you with painful memories. Over time is sort of blurs them out. Makes them harder to remember. That’s kinda how this whole thing feels. I remember him saying “I could talk quite dispassionately about so and so’s death when at the time it really affected me” and that’s exactly how I feel. I could probably walk someone through exactly what happened that night in a pretty detached manor. I remember it sucked more than anything but for the most part it doesn’t bother me anymore. This whole thing really reinforces what I’ve always thought about bad times, and that is that no matter how bad things get they do get better. I felt like shit for so damn long after what happened, and writing this is getting me kinda sad, it’s nowhere near how crappy I felt then and I almost never think about it. My life is back to normal and has been for a while.So no matter how shitty things can seem in the moment they do improve. Things that seem permanent and life altering in the moment become learning experiences. So when things get tough stick with it because in the end they get better. Every problem and bad time in your life is worth sticking out ^_^

Also sorry if this seems like I’m rambling, I started typing with little idea of what I wanted to say. I just kinda let things take shape.

While I was snorkeling in Hawaii I got stung in the face by a jellyfish. It sucked.

4 things!

1. I think I can finally day I DID IT! For the past few weeks I’ve been replacing all the soda I drink with tea and it’s workig perfectly. I haven’t had a soda in forever and I used to have several a day =D Today I declare victory! 
2. Also I finally figured out how to made a little link on my blog that leads to a page with all the pictures of my that I’ve posted. It took me a good ten minutes to figure out. I feel brilliant.
3. I got a shot >_< More specifically I got a Hepatitis A vaccine because I told my doctor want to study abroad. I need to learn to shut up. Although on the information sheet he gave me one of the groups more at risk for getting Hep A was “men who have sex with men” which describes me so in the end it’s probably good that I got it. Still I hate needles. Ever since my doctor fucked up a novocaine shot (holy god it hurt) I’ve always hated them.
4. I went for a jog. It feels good to work out. I hate being all sweaty and disgusting but at the same time it’s nice to feel accomplished, which is exactly how I felt c;

I also just realized that the title of this note makes my day sound more eventful then it was since I really did fuck all.